Trophy Wife Training (Satire, Sort Of)
I trained myself to be a trophy wife this past summer. That’s right: a TROPHY. WIFE. Let me explain.
First of all: I am not married, nor do I plan on being married within the next 5 years.
When you think of a “trophy wife”, what comes to mind?
If it’s a health-conscious, happy, well-groomed, social, charismatic, fashionable, physically fit, skilled, multi-faceted, well-rounded, compassionate, and attractive woman, then you and I have the right idea.
The internet defines trophy wife as:
“an informal, often derogatory term for a young, attractive woman married to a wealthy, successful, and usually older man, serving as a status symbol. She is viewed as a marker of her husband's material success, with the relationship perceived to be focused on appearance and luxury rather than companionship”
— and I think it’s time we redefine it. You can be a trophy wife at any age, married or unmarried, to a partner of any age. While your appearance can be polished and luxury, companionship doesn’t need to take a backseat, and you can serve as your own status symbol.
Now, let’s revisit the definition of trophy:
“A trophy is a tangible, often ornamental item—such as a cup, plaque, or figurine—awarded to commemorate a victory, competition win, or specific achievement. It serves as a symbol of success, prestige, or a memory of a triumph in sports, academics, business, or hunting.”
Much better, right? All women are generally deserving of many trophies, though we don’t often receive or need them. We can be our own trophies.
Notice how I didn’t say stay-at-home wife (there’s a distinction, although many of them are trophy wives too)…After realizing I wanted to be my own trophy wife, I trained myself to manifest all of the braggable qualities “a trophy wife” has, while still excelling at my career and maintaining a fantastic relationship.
So, what did this training entail? I established a set of rules for myself, which I’m now relaying to you. See below.
Learn to cook for yourself and others. Have a few specialties.
Learn to bake for yourself and others. Again, have a few specialties.
Learn to clean after yourself and always offer help those who may need it.
Eat well, but don’t be boring about it (enjoy restaurants, just make sure you’re balancing meals with an overall active lifestyle)
Have a fitness routine. This is crucial for your hapiness.
Have a go-to everyday beauty routine and a go-to glam beauty routine. Get the right products — you deserve to treat yourself.
Have a go-to everyday hair routine and go-to glam hair routine. Again, the right products matter.
Have a go-to daily skincare routine. See a trend here? Products matter, habits matter. More on this later.
Have a staple wardrobe/closet. DO NOT GIVE IN TO FAST FASHION!
Smile more. Laugh more. Listen more.
Have an overall clean aura: clean nails, clean teeth, non-wrinkly clothing. Paying attention to the small details makes a world of a difference.
Be sociable. If this is difficult for you, I’d suggest practicing ice breaker questions before an outing and learning a few card games (then, carrying that deck of cards with you. trust me on this one).
Be open-minded when it comes to exploring new foods, activities, and entertainment. Some of the best memories (and relationships) are fostered in unexpected places!
Plan special events ahead (way ahead, they take time). Be thoughtful and intentional about the details of events you host — they represent you, and they are the setting of the memories your circle will associate with you. Plan more frequent special events too (life is too short to not have fun).
Treat everyone with kindness and be conscientious. Never arrive at someone’s home empty-handed. Always write thank-you notes (keeping a monogramed set is a perfect personalized touch).
Check in on family members, friends, mentors, mentees, and anyone else you care about. Relationships require maintenance, just like plants or valuable items (in fact, they are the most valuable items in your life).
As you can hopefully notice, these points aren’t promoting co-dependence or stereotypes often associated with a “Trophy Wife”. They prioritize self-care, grooming, general poise, and honoring your relationships. Honestly, accomplishing anything from the list is deserving of a trophy.
What led to this: I realized that in order to show up as the best version of myself both within and outside of my romantic relationship, I needed to prioritize my self-development and independence…after all, it is our independent and unique qualities that make us attractive to others, while our compassion makes us likeable and our drive makes us inspiring. It’s easy to settle into a state of complacency after years of being in a relationship. After all, they love you for you, right? Right. BUT, it’s important to always keep evolving (into a better version of yourself, a better partner, a better friend, etc.) to maintain those relationships. If this isn’t intuitive, ask yourself this: would a boss promote (or even like) an employee who only ever does the bare minimum and never evolves? The answer to this applies to all aspects of life.
By working on yourself, others will naturally be inspired/attracted, and everything else will align. You don’t need a husband (or partner) to be a trophy wife, and you can certainly have a trophy life!
Speaking of trophy wives and relationships (sort of?), be sure to check out my latest comedy set!
